My Impressive Resume

My good friend from Singapore emailed me, after a long silence, and asked me what I've been up to. So, I told her I've really busy with different jobs, mostly menial, with very little mental input. Totally wasting away. They have taken up most of my waking hours and sometimes, I have to clock in overtime.

Curious, she asked, "Really?"

Really, no kidding. Hear me out--my list of jobs include:

Kitchenmaid: Responsible for all house cleaning, including windows and toilets. Mopping floors, picking up crumbs and always, the dishes. My co-worker, aka, my dishwasher husband who claims he would do the dishes if he saw them, always does the disappearing act.

Driver: Deliver charges at any time of the day, at the beck and call of ungrateful miniative people, who are lousy passengers and they don't even tip. OK, sometimes, they mumble a faint thank you and that's because they kept you waiting....or they spill juice, again! Incentive: I sometimes get to work in my PJs. And when they decide to go to Starbucks, I get a free cuppa...in their name.

Counselor: Have seen the worst of temper tantrums, squabbles and mouth-calling. Mediate at my own risk. With teens roaming the house, my job has many hidden hazards: unexplainable sulking, mood swings, loud music, surliness and the ultimate "silent" treatment. On really bad days, I think I need counseling myself. Help--tears fall in the night when I think I blew it again.

Banker: From dishing out 5 bucks for a pizza party at school to a field trip to New York for $500, they think that money grows...somehow and we're recipient of unlimited cash flow. If they only knew...it takes a mathematician to balance all the debit at the end of the month.

Doormat: They are nice when they need you and when they don't, it's "don't bug me." Sometimes, it's best to play dead.

Suffice to say that it's just part of my complicated job description. If you're a mom, you know the whole nine. My impressive resume has earned me many accolades. Among them: social castaway, queen of nag, fashion misfit, and The Lame Mom title. The last one really sinks.

So, yes, I'm terribly busy and if you don't find me twittering away or updating stuff on facebook, you know exactly where to find me. I could be holed in and working my b. off in the name of motherhood. People like say, "Wow, you're so lucky, you get to be a stay-home mom." If they only knew--that one job title came with many little clauses that we didn't know when we accepted the job.

And now, it's too late 'cause the ink is on the paper....